Battleship is a movie about the Navy versus the Aliens, in boats. It’s based on the popular board game, also called Battleship. The original board game is actually kind of a dumb game with a lot of parts that you end up losing, and the movie is also pretty bad too. There are no aliens in the board game.
In this movie, Liam Neeson is the head of the Navy and has a bad relationship with the sailor that’s sleeping with his daughter. He sends the guy off to investigate some space garbage that turns out to be an alien warship. The ship makes a big bubble game dome over Hawaii. Liam is on the outside and pretty much out of the movie while the aliens and the boyfriend and a guy with no legs and a lot of speaking parts are on the inside. They play two AC/DC songs (never do it twice — Iron Man didn’t even do it twice), fist fight with aliens, and then rope a retirement community into manual labor on an old battleship. The part with the old guys was pretty awesome. Spoiler Alert: Then they beat the aliens.
Overall, this movie is worth your time but it also sucks. Just because Hasbro cut corners on this movie doesn’t mean that you should take it easy when you see a shit show like this. A board game that turns into a blockbuster deserves a toast. So, what are you gonna drank with that?
Introducing You Drank My Battleship!:
- Battleships are basically big stupid cruise boats full of sailors, so you need a cruise-line-sized cup to hold this drank. We picked up a couple of *giant* plastic goblets from the party store on the way to the movie. Big cups are not easy stowaways when sneaking into movies, so carry a duffel bag.
- Cruise ships are all about piñas. You know what I’m talking about booyah! Pick up the piña colada mix at the same place you buy the rum (we recommend airplane bottles, which are as easy to sneak on to real cruise ships as they are into movies), then ask for cups of ice from the concession stand. They’re stingy with ice, so you’ll need to send your buddy too.
- Pour the mix, ice and rum into the goblet when you’re ready and then get ready for the garnish. ”You Drank My Battleship” needs a depth charge, and we picked the most alien thing we could get our hands on. On your way to the movies go to a healthy store and ask for “kombucha.” It’s a rotten fruit juice that ladies drink to keep thin and regular. Also this stuff is alive like yogurt is alive, but more. Pour a shot glass of kombucha and drop it in. Torpedoes ready? Boom!
The healthy drink mixes pretty good with the piña colada and the bubble goblet kind of reminds of you the game dome on screen. It’s a great drank for a shitty movie. We hope you enjoy.
You can learn more about Battleship at IMDB, the popular internet movie website.
A couple of disclaimers that should have been included on the movie poster:
- This movie is not in 3D.
- This movie is about aliens even though the board game is just about boats.
- The acting in this movie is really bad. Your editors love bad acting, but this acting is so bad that it makes bad acting hard to love. Rihanna.
- The aliens look like they were stolen from Halo 2. Halo 2 is another game, and actually more fun to watch then this movie.
- No one ever says “You sunk my Battleship” in the whole movie! How could this be overlooked? Seriously. Who screwed this up? Oh wait. This guy.