30 Minutes or Less is a movie about a kid who gets a bomb strapped to his chest and is forced to rob a bank by a couple of rednecks. We think the reference to 30 Minutes has something to do with the kid being a pizza delivery driver because it has nothing to do with how long the bomb is on his chest (pretty much all day), and it definitely has nothing to do with how long the movie is (This movie is way longer than 30 minutes. Pack for a regular length movie!). Whoever cast this movie obviously saw Tropic Thunder and Facebook: The Movie, because this movie is pretty much about Mark Zuckerberg (who is just the same as himself in the other movie, except in the beginning of this movie he smokes pot and drives a car fast — otherwise, exactly the same) meeting Danny McBride when he’s the redneck demolition expert in the jungle (which is pretty much the same as when Danny McBride when he is the redneck kung fu coach without explosives, and which is pretty much like Danny McBride when he’s the redneck prince in The Medieval Express, except there’s no kung fu). Otherwise, there’s no real difference here, so you can guess what happens. Zuckerberg talks really fast and McBride uses a lot of racism and slang words for private parts. So if you like that stuff, see this movie fast because it won’t be in theaters long.
Your editors heard that this move was based on a true story, so we based our cocktail on a real life threat. Warning, if you drink this drank we advise you to wear a raincoat in your seat, or put a garbage bag in your lap, or plastic wrap. You will get wet! Introducing, “The Slow Fuse”:
- On your way to the theater, buy a bottle of Diet Coke. We know you don’t need diet, and it tastes bad, but it produces maximum effect. So buy it!
- Buy a traveler of Whiskey. We picked up Jim Beam because it just felt right.
- Buy a roll of Mentos (flavor of your choice)
A lot of crap you see on YouTube is fake. You can pretty much count on that. What isn’t fake is what happens to Diet Coke when you put a Mentos in the bottle. Your editors were pretty sure it was a lot of hype, but to be sure we tested it outside of the bodega. Holy shit does it spray out of the bottle! It is impossible to drink it fast enough (we tried, and it kind of hurts cause it goes up your nose). Plan B, hence the title to this drank: work with an open container to regulate your explosion.
- On your way in to the theater, ask for a “courtesy cup”
- Pour a shot of Whiskey into the cup and then add the Coke. At this point, it’s basically a Whiskey Coke.
- Then, drop the Mentos bomb into your cup and slam the drank before it boils over. (Readers, it WILL boil over)
- When you’re ready for another hit, repeat the steps. The faster you drink the less explosion gets in your lap.
If you like comedies then you might like 30 Minutes or Less. It’s no Three Stooges Marathon, but it does have a very funny Mexican gangster that really should have had more screen time.
If you like Whiskey Cokes, well then you’ll love The Slow Fuse. It’s pretty much a Whiskey Coke that you HAVE TO drink fast. (I should admit, after this movie I felt a little weird, kind of like I couldn’t stop shaking my legs and my teeth were soft. Maybe it’s because we bought mint Mentos. Go for fruit flavored.)
Learn more about 30 Minutes or Less on the popular Internet movie site IMDB.