Cowboys & Aliens: Two great tastes, together at last.

August 2nd, 2011 by Gene Shalitfaced

First contact.

First contact.

Some movies are sweet because they are about exactly what they say they are about. Like Snakes on a Plane*. Or Music and Lyrics.

It’s not clear from the title, but this movie is about cowboys and aliens, in general. But also, specifically, are they bros? Turns out: no.

Why? Not entirely sure, but it has something to do with aliens insisting on human experimentation all the time, which is very rude. And gold. The aliens want gold. “It’s as strange to them as it is to us” is Olivia Wilde’s explanation for that. Cash4Gold.space? Whatever.

Daniel Craig stars as a cowboy with a past and a very beautiful, very limited-edition bracelet. Your editors would so hit that. He and Harrison Ford – the old coot! – set aside their differences and give the aliens a real what fer. A bunch of Indians do that too but they don’t get much credit because history is written by the Jon Favreaus.

Anyway, what’s a cocktail that represents both sides of the Cowboys v. Aliens debate?

Wet your whistle with: “Close Encounters of the Turd Kind” (we’re adults)

  • 2 parts Sioux City Sarsaparilla
  • 1 part Jack Daniels
  • 1 part Harcos brand Alien Blood™

Some very rare ingredients in this one, so leave plenty of time for running around the city explaining what sarsaparilla is to Whole Foods employees. And you need to go to space for the alien blood. Really cuts into your Saturday. Plan ahead.

Once you get in the theater, mix them in a cup w/ some ice. The first thing you’ll notice is how pissed you are at yourself for drinking this Alien Blood™ shit. Holy god is it gross. And true to the movie, it does not get along well with humans. We’ll spare you the details – seeing as we’re in mixed company and all – but let’s just say it had us rootin’ and tootin’ within minutes. Human experimentation, indeed.

That said, it really brings the premise of the film to life. It’s like cowboys and aliens are mixin’ it up, right there in your belly!

The final score:

Cowboys and Aliens: Solid B. Sweet explosions. Definitely features both cowboys and aliens.

“Close Encounters of the Turd Kind”: Solid FDA. Seriously someone alert the FDA about Alien Blood™.

You can learn more about Cowboys and Aliens at IMDB, the popular internet movie website.

*We didn’t see Snakes on a Plane because obviously the only way to see Snakes on a Plane is on a plane and you can’t sneak drinks on the plane. And we don’t buy drinks at the theaters or at the planes. We sneak ours in. Like men.

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