Archive for August, 2011
Monday, August 29th, 2011
Wait Aziz! Don't drink that drink! He put a Mentos in there...
30 Minutes or Less is a movie about a kid who gets a bomb strapped to his chest and is forced to rob a bank by a couple of rednecks. We think the reference to 30 Minutes has something to do with the kid being a pizza delivery driver because it has nothing to do with how long the bomb is on his chest (pretty much all day), and it definitely has nothing to do with how long the movie is (This movie is way longer than 30 minutes. Pack for a regular length movie!). (more…)
Tags: bomb, booze, explosive, facebook, mentos, not that funny, whiskey
Posted in Action / Adventure, Cocktail, Dangerous, Drinking in Theaters | Comments Off
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
"When a Sumarian feels thirst, it is the thirst for blood. And vodka."
We’ll keep this brief because there’s maybe seven lines of dialogue in this entire movie, five of which are in the info-dump at the beginning (expertly narrated by none other than Morgan Freeman).
Let us just start by saying that, in his defense, Conan was born to really terrible parents. And that goes a long way towards understanding his behavior. For starters – rather than stay home while very pregnant – his mom decides to go fight against this army of barbarians with dreadlocks trying to enslave and kill her people. Then, when she gets killed (duh), his dad gives her a c-section, right there in the field. With like, an axe type thing! Then he hangs around and keeps fighting and gets killed too, leaving Conan to fend for himself. Very iffy parenting. Very iffy medical care. Very iffy decision-making. But undoubtedly a family of tough bitches. (more…)
Tags: Bad Parenting, Carnage, Exciting Jobs in the Service Industry
Posted in Action / Adventure, Cocktail, Drinking in Theaters, Fantasy | Comments Off
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
- We can’t.
AN OPEN LETTER
To The Producers of The Smurfs (we know who you are)
Fuck y’all, sirs!
First off, look at us. Look at our site. Look at how we spend our time. We are not picky. We’re total suckers for bad movies. Gluttons. Junkies. Alcoholics, but instead of alcohol it’s bad movies. And alcohol. Between us we probably spend $200 a month on movies and drinks to go with them. Generally, we’re pretty easygoing guys. (more…)
Tags: Beef, Cool Dudes, Felony Intimidation, Notice
Posted in Blended, Cocktail, Kids Movie, Originally A Cartoon, Punch | Comments Off
Monday, August 8th, 2011
Optimus Prime: "I'm here to transform normal ingredients into an amazing drink!"
Pop Quiz. If Michael Bay got in a bar fight with John Favreau, who would win? Obviously Michael Bay.
Ok, if Brett Favre showed up and him and his buddy John tried to tag team Michael Bay, who would win? Trick Question, because the answer is still Michael Bay. Also, this would never happen because fighting Michael Bay is pretty mush a suicide mission… in space. Why? Because of Transformers 3! In Space! (more…)
Tags: America, astronauts, Freedom, freeze dried, Robots, Shia LaDouche
Posted in Action / Adventure, Blended, Cocktail, Drinking in Theaters, Robots, Sci Fi, Space | Comments Off
Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011
First contact.
Some movies are sweet because they are about exactly what they say they are about. Like Snakes on a Plane*. Or Music and Lyrics.
It’s not clear from the title, but this movie is about cowboys and aliens, in general. But also, specifically, are they bros? Turns out: no.
(more…)
Tags: Cash4Gold.com, Drinking in Theaters, Drinking in theaters beef, incontinence, Movies and cocktails, Rude aliens
Posted in Action / Adventure, Cocktail, Drinking in Theaters, Sci Fi, Uncategorized | Comments Off