Archive for the ‘Cocktail’ Category

MIB 3 (is enough)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2012

MIB3 is the the third film in the in the popular Men In Black series, which is now a trilogy.  The Men in Black movies are about how aliens live on Earth and a well-dressed division of Homeland Security keep a watch on them and occasionally save the planet.
In this version of the movie, something mysterious happens to Tommy Lee Jones so Will Smith has to go back in time to figure it out.  Guess what he figures out:  Tommy Lee Jones was actually played by a different actor when he was younger!  That explains a lot!
Apparently, the guy who plays George W Bush was also young TLJ.  It gets even weirder than that, but we can’t remember because it was right about the time that our minds went blank from the Drank we were dranking.  MIB3… what are you gonna drank with that?  Introducing The Mind Eraser.
The Mind Eraser is actually already a drink.  We’ve had it before, but never like this!  It really makes you wonder, though….
Did the inventors of this drink travel in to the future to know how perfectly their cocktail would match a major blockbuster film?  I’ll bet 6 bucks that they didn’t!  Could they have understood the blend of vodka and kahlua is the perfect beverage representation of ebony and ivory played out by the two leads actors?  Michael Jackson and the Beatles can’t even sing it this good!  Could they have known that the audience would actually want to forget that they’d seen this movie, but would need a little help to do so?  Boom!
On your way to the movie, stop off and buy equal parts vodka and kahlua.
Also, buy some soda water and limes.  You’ll need a knife to cut the lime in the theater.  We only had a plastic one, which wasn’t good enough, so try to figure that one out in advance.
Go to a dollar store and look for blue LED key chain lights.  We couldn’t find any blue ones so we just bought some white ones and painted the bulbs blue with a permanent marker.  It actually worked!
Mix the vodka and kahlua 1 to 1 in a concession stand cup (with ice), then add the soda water to taste.  Garnish with lime.
Use your blue light to flash your buddy and take a drink every time that Will and Tommy do it.  You’ll want to drink and flash as much as possible because it’s easier to forget the movie this way.
Overall, we had a good time at this movie, we think.  Go see MIB3 and drink a Mind Eraser.  Read about MIB3 on IMDB, the popular Internet movie site.

MIB3_image

MIB3 is the the third film the in the popular Men In Black series, which is now a trilogy.  The Men in Black movies are about how aliens live on Earth and a well-dressed division of Homeland Security keep an eye on them. (more…)

30 Minutes or Less. Actually, it’s like 90 minutes. Pack accordingly!

Monday, August 29th, 2011

Wait Aziz!  Don't drink that drink!  He put a Mentos in there...

Wait Aziz! Don't drink that drink! He put a Mentos in there...

30 Minutes or Less is a movie about a kid who gets a bomb strapped to his chest and is forced to rob a bank by a couple of rednecks.  We think the reference to 30 Minutes has something to do with the kid being a pizza delivery driver because it has nothing to do with how long the bomb is on his chest (pretty much all day), and it definitely has nothing to do with how long the movie is (This movie is way longer than 30 minutes.  Pack for a regular length movie!).  (more…)

Conan the Barbarian: They massacred his family. They enslaved his people. They will tip accordingly.

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

"When a Sumarian feels thirst, it is the thirst for blood. And vodka."

"When a Sumarian feels thirst, it is the thirst for blood. And vodka."

We’ll keep this brief because there’s maybe seven lines of dialogue in this entire movie, five of which are in the info-dump at the beginning (expertly narrated by none other than Morgan Freeman).

Let us just start by saying that, in his defense, Conan was born to really terrible parents. And that goes a long way towards understanding his behavior. For starters – rather than stay home while very pregnant – his mom decides to go fight against this army of barbarians with dreadlocks trying to enslave and kill her people. Then, when she gets killed (duh), his dad gives her a c-section, right there in the field. With like, an axe type thing! Then he hangs around and keeps fighting and gets killed too, leaving Conan to fend for himself. Very iffy parenting. Very iffy medical care. Very iffy decision-making. But undoubtedly a family of tough bitches. (more…)

The Smurfs: Don’t even…

Sunday, August 21st, 2011

We can't.
We can’t.

AN OPEN LETTER

To The Producers of The Smurfs (we know who you are)

Fuck y’all, sirs!

First off, look at us. Look at our site. Look at how we spend our time. We are not picky. We’re total suckers for bad movies. Gluttons. Junkies. Alcoholics, but instead of alcohol it’s bad movies. And alcohol. Between us we probably spend $200 a month on movies and drinks to go with them. Generally, we’re pretty easygoing guys. (more…)

Transformers 3: Robots on the Moon and in Space*

Monday, August 8th, 2011

    Optimus Prime: "I'm here to transform normal ingredients into an amazing drink!"

Optimus Prime: "I'm here to transform normal ingredients into an amazing drink!"

Pop Quiz.  If Michael Bay got in a bar fight with John Favreau, who would win?  Obviously Michael Bay.

Ok, if Brett Favre showed up and him and his buddy John tried to tag team Michael Bay, who would win?  Trick Question, because the answer is still Michael Bay.  Also, this would never happen because fighting Michael Bay is pretty mush a suicide mission… in space.  Why?  Because of Transformers 3!  In Space! (more…)

Cowboys & Aliens: Two great tastes, together at last.

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

First contact.

First contact.

Some movies are sweet because they are about exactly what they say they are about. Like Snakes on a Plane*. Or Music and Lyrics.

It’s not clear from the title, but this movie is about cowboys and aliens, in general. But also, specifically, are they bros? Turns out: no.

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Captain America: The First Avenger. Extremely Loud. And Incredibly Close.

Monday, July 25th, 2011

More of a gestalt here, really.

More of a gestalt here, really.

Your editors beat the heat this weekend at Captain America: The First Avenger, which is a cool movie about a cool country in a cool theater. It’s also required reading for anyone planning to see The Avengers next Spring. If that’s you, feel free to suggest cocktails in the comments section (we will ignore your suggestions). (more…)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, part II: Everyone. Chill.

Thursday, July 14th, 2011

"Bitches s**k my d**k cuz I look like JK Rowling" - Lil' B, "Wonton Soup"

"...because I look like JK Rowling." - Lil' B, "Wonton Soup"

Look. Is this the most influential movie review website on the internet? Yes. Can our reviews make or break a film, and do we take that responsibility seriously? Certainly. Super seriously? Way.

But do your editors get invited to fancy Hollywood premiers much? No. Ever? Shut up. (more…)

Green Lantern: Ryan Reynolds vs. A Cloud of Diarrhea in Space

Wednesday, June 29th, 2011

You be the judge.

You be the judge.

Real quick ‘cuz we based this one on a goof.

Every time your editors sat through a preview for Green Lantern, we’d nudge each other in the arm and say “that alien looks like Kelsey Grammer” when that purple alien shows up. Didn’t make us want to see the movie, but we got a kick out of that part. So we made a cocktail about it!

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Super V8: There’s a monster from another movie in my cup!

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

I'd sure buy these guys a drink.

I'd sure buy these guys a drink.

Your editors saw Super 8 this weekend.  If you like Spielberg movies from the 80s, then you’ll probably like this JJ Abrams film from the today that’s made to look like a Spielberg movie from the 80s.  Personally, we like “Goonies” and “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” and “Indian Jones” (both with and without cocktails), so we were psyched about this one.  Super 8 was fun to watch, there are a lot of explosions, a good number of kid-style fat jokes (one of the kids is a fatty), kids with braces, and lens flares like in Star Trek.  A lot of lens flares!  And there’s a monster.

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